That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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