things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
