I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
