Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
