so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
