What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We left an ass print on the piano.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
