What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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