His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
