i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
