If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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