your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize