You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
