So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
