he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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