a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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