Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
