It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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