You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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