The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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