She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
