Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
