well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
