i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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