babies were throwing up all over the place
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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