dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
