Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
