Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
