Three words: puerto rican gang bang
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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