My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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