Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
