so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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