well I can't set my house on fire every night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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