bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
