she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
