her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My feet surprised me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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