You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
