I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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