There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
