FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
