So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
