it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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