yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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