Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
