i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
