Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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