Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
