My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
