My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
please come you make the beer taste better
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i drank out of a bidet.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
