this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
