Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk is not a location!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
