don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
