So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
