Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
