I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
