Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
