Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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