You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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