ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize