new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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