I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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