bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
