The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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