remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
