Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
