I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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