the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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