Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
