I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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