I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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